What to expect during divorce mediation
Divorce mediation usually follows a predictable path:
- an initial call
- separate intake meetings so the mediator understands each person’s situation and checks it’s safe to proceed
- joint sessions working through parenting, support and property one issue at a time
- a written summary of what you’ve agreed, which each of you reviews with your own lawyer before anything becomes binding
Most people walk into their first session anxious, often because they don’t know what’s about to happen. This guide walks you through each stage, so you know exactly what to expect during divorce mediation before you arrive.
This article is general information, not legal advice. For advice about your situation, speak with an Alberta family lawyer.
What divorce mediation is, and what it isn’t
Mediation is a structured negotiation, guided by a neutral professional. The mediator doesn’t take sides, doesn’t decide for you, and doesn’t give legal advice to either person. Their job is to keep the conversation balanced, make sure both people are heard, and help you find options you might not see on your own.
That’s the key difference from court or arbitration. In mediation, you and your former partner make the decisions. A judge will never know your children, your finances or your family’s routines the way you do.
Mediation is also becoming a standard first step in Alberta. Since January 2026, most families in the Court of King’s Bench must attempt a dispute resolution process, such as mediation, before a judge will decide their issues. We explain those requirements in detail in our guide to meeting the mediation requirement under Alberta’s Family Focused Protocol.
Step 1: The first call
Mediation usually begins with a phone call or email from one person. The mediator explains how the process works, answers questions about fees and scheduling, and asks how to contact the other person.
This first contact is an opportunity for the clients and the mediator to get acquainted and ensure that the working relationship will be a good fit. It is important for the mediator to be able to build trust with each of the parties and getting to know each other is one way to build trust. In addition, the client will often provide some context to their particular situation so the mediator can speak to how the situation can move forward.
The mediator then reaches out to your former partner separately. Mediation only works when both people choose to take part. Nobody can be pressured into it.
Step 2: Individual intake meetings
Before you ever sit together, the mediator meets each of you separately. Many people don’t expect this, but it’s one of the most important parts of the process.
The intake meeting covers:
- Your situation and priorities: what matters most to you, your biggest worries, and what you hope to resolve.
- Safety screening: whether there’s any history of family violence, coercion or fear that would make joint sessions unsafe or unfair. If there is, the mediator may recommend separate sessions, a different process, or that mediation isn’t appropriate at all.
- Readiness: whether both people are able to negotiate on reasonably equal footing.
Everything here is about making sure mediation is safe and fair before it begins.
Step 3: The agreement to mediate
Before joint sessions start, both people sign an agreement to mediate. This document typically sets out:
- the mediator’s role and neutrality
- how fees are shared
- the rules for respectful communication
- how confidentiality works
Confidentiality is worth understanding clearly. Mediation can be “closed,” where discussions generally can’t be used later in court, or “open,” where a report may be shared. Your agreement to mediate should say which applies. Ask questions before you sign.
At Understanding the Other, both forms of mediation, Open and Closed, are available and the mode chosen depends solely on the preferences of the clients. This is sometimes the first place of agreement for two parties in conflict. Different contracts are signed depending on the mode of mediation chosen.
Step 4: Gathering financial disclosure
You can’t make fair decisions about support or property without accurate numbers, so both people exchange financial information early.
Child support in Canada is calculated under the Federal Child Support Guidelines. Where child support is in issue, expect to provide at least:
- your personal income tax returns for the three most recent years
- your notices of assessment and reassessment from the CRA for those years
- recent pay stubs or a statement of year-to-date earnings
- additional records if you’re self-employed, are in a partnership, or control a corporation
If property is in issue, add bank, investment, RRSP and pension statements, mortgage and loan statements, and credit card balances.
Tip: Disclosure is where most delays happen. Start gathering documents the day you decide to mediate.
Step 5: Joint sessions, one issue at a time
This is what most people picture when they think of mediation. You and your former partner meet with the mediator, either in person or online.
Setting the agenda. The first joint session usually starts by listing every issue that needs to be decided, and agreeing on the order. Many mediators start with the children, because decisions about parenting often shape everything else.
Working through the issues. Common topics include:
- Parenting: parenting time (the schedule), decision-making responsibility (who decides about school, health, religion and activities), holidays, travel, and how you’ll communicate
- Child support, including special expenses like childcare, sports and orthodontics
- Spousal support, if it applies
- Property and debts: the family home, pensions, savings and vehicles
Caucusing. Sometimes the mediator meets with each of you privately during a session, especially when emotions run high or one person needs space to think.
What a session feels like. Sessions can be emotional. It’s normal to feel frustrated, sad or angry at times. A good mediator expects this, slows the conversation down when needed, and keeps the focus on the decision in front of you rather than the history of the relationship.
Oftentimes people are emotional and heated because they feel unheard. Their underlying issues have not been addressed to their satisfaction, and emotions will rise as a way for individuals to feel they are making themselves heard. The mediator will do this for each party. This often resolves the situation in the moment. It should be noted, however, that prior to the beginning of the session, the parties will agree on ground rules in the mediation, and this normally covers the need to allow each person to speak without interruption, no blaming or name calling, and no loud voices.
How long does divorce mediation take?
It depends on how many issues you need to resolve, how complex your finances are, and how much you already agree on. One Alberta law firm, Spectrum Family Law, estimates mediation typically takes 6–10 hours, spread over one or more sessions.
It is not uncommon for a separation mediation to resolve in a maximum of three sessions of four hours each. Once the four hour mark is reached, parties are usually quite drained and it is not recommended to meet for longer than that. Flexibility is possible depending on the parties needs. In some simple matters where there are only a few assets to discuss without children, it is possible to resolve issues in one session. More complex relationships with multiple assets or residences, several financial and banking matters and children at different levels of education and maturity can take several sessions to resolve all matters.
Families who arrive with their financial disclosure ready, and who have already agreed on some issues, usually finish faster.
Step 6: The written summary and legal review
Once you’ve reached agreement, the mediator prepares a written summary of what you’ve decided, often called a memorandum of understanding.
This summary is generally not legally binding on its own. Alberta’s government mediation program, for example, notes that its mediation summary isn’t legally binding. Agreements reached in mediation typically become binding only once they’re formalized in writing and signed by both parties.
This is where independent legal advice comes in. Each of you should take the summary to your own lawyer, who can explain your rights and check the agreement is fair before it’s turned into a separation agreement or court order. Your lawyer reviewing an agreement usually costs far less than your lawyer arguing every issue.
When the mediation concludes, each party will receive a document that outlines what exactly the parties agreed to in mediation. If the parties wish, law offices with whom we work can provide you with a comprehensive separation agreement at a reasonable fee.
What if mediation doesn’t resolve everything?
Not every issue settles, and that’s okay. Partial agreement is still progress: every issue you resolve is one less issue a judge decides.
If issues remain, the common next steps are:
- More time or a break. Sometimes people need time to get legal advice or consider an offer, then return.
- Mediation-arbitration (med-arb). Some families agree in advance that if mediation stalls, an arbitrator will decide the remaining issues. If mediation-arbitration is the route that parties would like to use, it must be agreed on initially prior to the start of mediation.
- Court. Any unresolved issues can go to court. You’ll still benefit from having narrowed what’s in dispute.
What not to say or do in mediation
A few habits can quietly derail mediation:
- Rehashing the relationship. Mediation is about decisions for the future, not deciding who was right.
- Making threats (“I’ll take you to court and get everything”).
- Hiding or delaying financial information. It damages trust and almost always comes out.
- Speaking for the children, or saying what they “want,” without real reason to believe it.
- Agreeing to something you don’t understand just to end the session. It’s always fine to say “I need to think about this.”
- Signing anything final before getting legal advice.
How to prepare for your first session
- Gather your financial documents using the list in Step 4.
- Complete the Parenting After Separation course if you have children. It’s free online, and required for most Court of King’s Bench parenting matters.
- Write down your top three priorities, and what you think your former partner’s top three are.
- Map your children’s weekly routine: school, activities and handoff times.
- Plan for the emotional side. Arrange support for yourself before and after sessions, whether that’s a friend, family member or counsellor.
Choosing mediation services in Calgary
When comparing mediation services in Calgary, look for:
- Training and accreditation, such as through the ADR Institute of Alberta or Family Mediation Canada
- Family-specific experience, including parenting plans and support issues
- Safety screening as a standard part of intake
- Flexibility, such as online sessions if you live outside Calgary or being in the same room is difficult
- A good fit: someone both of you feel can be fair, and who understands your family’s culture, faith or language
Divorce mediation in Calgary with Dr. Wes Thiessen
Dr. Wes Thiessen is a mediator trained through the ADR Institute of Alberta (affiliated with the ADR Institute of Canada), Family Mediation Canada, and National Family Law Arbitration Canada. He helps separating couples across Calgary and nearby communities, including Okotoks, Airdrie, Cochrane, Chestermere and High River, in person or online.
His practice is built on the idea behind its name: understanding the other person’s perspective, even when you disagree. He works with families from many cultural and faith backgrounds, and speaks English and Arabic, with a good command of French.
Learn more about our divorce mediation services in Calgary. If you’ve separated but aren’t divorcing, see separation mediation. Parents can also explore co-parenting mediation.
If you’re ready to talk about what mediation could look like for your family, book a consultation with Dr. Wes or call 403-708-9807.